Summer of 2014..if I had to label it in one word I would call it intense. Everything about it was intense, our conversations, our emotions and feelings, the amount of time we spent together. I fell for you so fast, but you were much more guarded. You were still living with your ex wife and that really made things hard on you, and on us. Your divorce was dragging out, your sister was close to passing away, your brother wasn't talking to you. I was your escape. You were over at my house so much, it was easy because you needed to get away from your house and I needed to be home for my kids. We still had lots of time to go out, we hit a lot of happy hours. We also spent much of that summer walking and running. We called it training, but we would walk for miles just talking and talking. Maybe 5 miles each time, 4-5 times a week? It was a good distraction, and we were equally happy the other person wanting to be active and was willing to get outside and move, another thing we had missed in our marriages. We talked about anything and everything. Those walks really built the foundation of our friendship. I loved that we could be friends on top of the romantic relationship we had.
We did more than our fair share of mixing drinks that summer! We were stuck at home and trying to make the best of it! We did a lot of going with the flow, and even joining each other on domestic errands. We explored forest park, I was so happy to be hiking, I always wanted to hike, I needed a partner. Again, the hiking was great, the conversation was better.
At that point I had been divorced for 3 years. I was as healed from my divorce as I was ever going to be. But you were in a very different place. You were still dealing with the feeling of loss and failure. You were so frustrated that your divorce was moving so slowly, if moving at all. You were so frustrated with your living situation and the situation with both your brother and your sister was weighing on you.
On the 25th of August, 3 months to the day after our first real text exchange, you came over to my house and in the course of 3 minutes, told me you weren't ready to date and what we had going on was too intense. One minute you were there and the next you were gone. I wasn't shocked, we had talked a little bit about how intense what we had was, and whether you were ready for it. I suspected you weren't, and I'm sure you knew you weren't, but we continued to see each other because we had such a strong connection, such an intense chemistry that was hard to ignore. But with everything all adding up, it ended up being too much for you.
I was devastated. Probably the most let down I'd ever felt. I knew what kind of man you were/are, and I knew our connection and chemistry was very real. I didn't have an answer for all the stress you had, only that I could be your shoulder to lean on. I didn't want to lose you, but it wasn't my choice. I didn't sleep or eat for 3 days. I laid on my couch and cried, even though it annoyed my kids beyond measure! I asked you to come over and talk with me for awhile to provide some closure, the 3 minutes you were at my house when you broke up with me were surreal and I didn't feel like things were settled. You came over and even though you agreed we had an undeniable connection, you stood strong in your belief that it just wasn't good timing. We stayed in contact, here and there. Mostly me texting you, telling you how hard it was and how sad I was. You said you were too, but you just felt like it wasn't the right time. I remember you going back and forth a little towards the end of the week, but when I told you that you had to make up your mind to put me out of my misery, you met me in the church parking lot to say it was final, we weren't going to be together. I decided it was time to accept it and try and move on. Later on that evening, I text you and asked if I could be your friend. You said you would love that. We text a little about life, about Louie CK. I tried to keep it really light and supportive.
The next day I went to pick up our packets for the Color Run. I assumed you wouldn't be running it together anymore, but my friends had already given us free entry, and I didn't want that to go to waste. I text you and said "So, do FRIENDS run races together?" You said you wanted to. I was surprised but happy. I thought for sure we were going to stay just friends, but was happy to at least have that.
That night we were both at a football game. The intensity was crazy! I was sitting with my friends just a few feet away from where you were sitting with Patty and Carl. Some of those around us knew what was going on. Megan's coach was in the middle of us and Megan had told her we broke up. It was our own mini soap opera up in the Westview stadium bleachers. We started texting a lot, in fact Carl asked you if you had a secret girlfriend. That was funny because we had really kept our relationship quiet, because you were still living with your soon to be exwife, and we live in a very small community, we didn't want to deal with the gossip. So in a way, Carl was right, I was your secret girlfriend! Texting you through the game was therapeutic. Some of that crazy intensity was gone, we were both keeping things light hearted and fun. It was so nice to get back to that point after all we had gone through. You asked to see me after the game. I didn't think it was a good idea (I didn't want to keep getting my hopes up, and then get let down again) but I just couldn't turn you down. When we met up after the game you told me that you thought you had just experienced a little break down due to the immense amount of stress you were under, but you were feeling better and more in control. You didn't want to lose me. Whew! I felt so happy. I think that's the first night I slept in a week.
The next morning we ran the Color Run with Ava and Ella. And by run, I mean walk. Slowly. It was brutal! The girls didn't want to run, and they needed to go to the bathroom. It was a bust! But...like everything else, we managed to have fun together despite an awkward or an otherwise un-fun situation.
Everything was back on track. We were back together, we agreed to take things slower and get rid of the intensity, and we were so excited for fall and football games.
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