Hospital help

I barely remember getting a call from Tina the trainer, telling me that Jace was struggling to breathe and I needed to get in the trainers room. I was sitting next to you in the stands and you said I threw my blanket off my lap on to yours and booked it down to the trainers room. It was scary seeing Jace struggling to breathe normally, with a doctor and a trainer telling me they were going to call an ambulance if I couldn't get him to the hospital quickly. I got out my phone and I already had a text from you asking if everything was ok. I text back and told you we need to get to the hospital, fast. Jace didn't want to leave, I was explaining to him that we didn't have a choice and next thing I know you're standing right next to me. You saw his condition and immediately went to go get your truck to pull up to the curb. You didn't question leaving the game. You took us to the hospital, and when Sam was getting angry you went out into the hall with Ashley and Ella. I can't even remember how everything went once we were there. Just that you drove Ashley and Ella home, after picking Ava up at a friends. You came back, in the middle of the night, to sit with me and Jace. You helped me by asking the doctors questions so we knew exactly what was going on. And when it came time for Jace to go up to OHSU, you took his stinky clothes home and washed them before even going to bed. The next morning I called and asked you to pick us up. There was no hesitation. I was worried you wouldn't know where to go because even I wasn't fully sure where we were. But what do you know, as we are getting ready to leave you showed up at the room Jace was staying in (with . You are my hero. You did everything I could have needed, wanted, and then more I didn't even know I needed and wanted. Just like everything else in our lives, you stood right next to me. 

I have all the faith and trust in the world in you. Time and time again you have proven that you won't let me down, and that you'll go above and beyond to help me and to be there for me.

Thank you for helping me and Jace that weekend. Thank you for being so selfless with your time, even in the middle of the night. Thank you for washing his clothes and stopping by Target to pick up his meds. Thank you for being my shoulder to lean on during a scary time.

Keeping up with the theme of this entry..hospital visits...remember when you took me to the hospital when I was having kidney pain? I was so embarrassed for you to come over and see me. I was literally moaning in pain. You took me in and, again, asked all the right questions and helped me with whatever I needed. You were compassionate and caring. I felt so dumb, but you validated my pain and wanted to make sure I was getting what I needed to feel better. Thank you for taking me in, and for staying by my side. Thank you for believing me when I told you how much pain I was in, and for making sure I was taken care of.

How about when you took me in for a colonoscopy? Nobody ever wants to go get one of those, but I knew you would be there to pick me up. As I was getting set up with an IV and the nurse was talking to me about the pain meds I would receive, she asked me who was picking me up and if you were my boyfriend. At first I was a little annoyed, wasn't sure why that was her business. Then she explained that the meds would make me feel euphoric, and that among other things, I shouldn't purpose to you. HA! You were waiting in the lobby for me when I got done, and when we got to your truck I saw you had picked up pizza. You said you knew that I wouldn't want to cook when I got home. How thoughtful is that? I hadn't even thought that far ahead. Thank you for taking me, for picking me up, for being sympathetic when I couldn't eat for 2 days, and for getting my family pizza. Thank you for the thoughtfulness that went in to that. I love you.

You're so good with kids, the elderly, animals...

I love watching you interact...with anyone or anything. You amaze me with your ability to put anyone at ease, with always knowing the right thing to say or do. You are always kind to people. I've always said that I think the most important thing in the world is to treat people with kindness. I've taught my kids that, and I try to live by that. Watching you....that's just who you are. You're rarely irritable, you're rarely mad or even bothered. It blows me away, really. I've never met anyone who can keep their cool as much as you, who can diffuse any kind of situation and who never resorts to yelling, or being rude.
My favorite is watching you with kids, specifically mine:) You don't talk to them in a "kid voice." You talk to them as one person to another. You tease them, you make lots and lots of trouble! You give them (great) advice. There are no pretenses and you're very sincere. Thank you for being such a good example to them. Thank you letting them see that there are kind, good men who always want to do the right thing.
Vaughn before I met you I was careful not to label men, especially when talking to my daughters. The expression "men are pigs" really irritates me. No, not all men are pigs. And not all women are saints. I always told my daughters there are good men out there, who love their families and who do whats right. I know I believed that, but I didn't realize how much I was speaking the truth. You are a MAN in every sense of the word and meaning. You are a good man, and I'm proud of who you are. I'm proud to have you as an example to my children. I'm proud of how you treat me, and how you treat others. Family, friends, coworkers, perfect strangers- you're the same person to all of them.
I get teased so bad by my daughters for telling them I'm happy you're an example to them, but I don't care. Eventually they will really understand what I meant and how much it means to me for them to see daily examples of how a good man behaves.
Thank you for always being kind and always trying to do what's right!

Our birthday

I'll never get over having the same birthday. We might have been born in different years (you are soooooo much older than I am-ha!) but the same day. I love telling people that. On our birthday we are so corny. We say Happy Birthday! Oh Happy Birthday to you, too! We are so corny asking each other how each's birthday is going.

We were only dating a couple of weeks before our birthday in 2014. I remember texting during the day, but I was going to my girls last day of school parties and I'm sure you were busy working. We both decided to go out to dinner with our families and then meet up a little later for drinks. Since it was the last day of school for all of our kids, they were more interested in going out with their friends than dinner with us, but they nicely gave us a little bit of their time. We each had early dinners and they all went their own ways. You picked me up and we went to the Rock, a place we have been to quite a few times and have found drinks we love there.We got some drinks and appetizers and had no idea where we were going from there. My friend Toni had just given me some movie gift cards so we made a last minute decision to go see 22 Jumpstreet, it was hilarious! We really liked it. It was late by the time the movie got out so we drove over to a sports bar in Tigard for more appetizers and drinks. It was so,so weird. There were some weird people there, and we ordered a weird plate of hummus & veggies. I just remember thinking...ew. So we didn't stay long, we went for a drive after and then you dropped me off. It was a great night! Thanks for celebrating your birthday that year with me! Thank you for celebrating mine with me, too!

For our next birthday together in 2015, we spent a little more time together. We first went on a long walk over to Biscuits for breakfast. We found a way to get our exercise in but also eat, that's so us! Breakfast was yummy and the walk home was nice. We got ready for the day and ran a few errands (we were looking for sunglasses for me because it drives you nuts when I don't have any). Again, it was the last day of school for our kids. We had planned a dinner for everyone a couple of weeks earlier. We invited Patty and Carl, your Mom and Ozzie, your kids and mine. We planned on meeting everyone at Buffalo Wild Wings but only your crew showed up:) Jace decided last minute he didn't want to go, Ashley was out of town and Ella was at a party so only Ava came with me. Patty, Carl, Pam, Ozzie, Austin and Megan all showed up too. It was a nice dinner, but Ava was pouting the entire time because she was so bored and didn't feel like talking to adults. I was so embarrassed she was acting like that! After dinner she went to a friends house, everyone else went their own ways and it was just us again. We went down to Henrys for chocolate martinis and fries. It wasn't like it could have been. We should have had a great time, but I was so hurt Jace and Ella missed dinner, and I hadn't heard from Ashley much. I think I really ruined the evening with my sad mood! But, it's you, and you never get too bothered. I can't remember what we did after Henry's. I think we just went home. The late evening wasn't great, but the day/early evening was great and I'm so grateful we got to spend it together.

There's something really cool about sharing a birthday! I love sharing it with you. I love you!

Our notebook

For whatever reason, you had a brand new sparkly purple notebook in your room. One day we were in your room joking around, and we started writing notes back and forth to each other in the notebook. We had no idea what we were starting! Since then, we write notes to each other. There are no rules, sometimes it's a quick I love you and sometimes it's the whole page. We take turns, sometimes not knowing if the other person has even written us back. I love when I realize I haven't checked it recently, so I check and there's a note from you. We don't write anything we wouldn't or haven't said to each others faces. But it's just a fun thing just for the two of us. I love it, you say I'm romantic and you think I need these big gestures. But to me, that notebook is the best type of romance. I love it, and you.

Just SOME of our experiences

It seems like we have done so much together in just a year and a half. We spend a lot of time at home, hanging out with our kids. But, we've managed to get out a few times, have fun and make memories. There are some experiences that just stand out.

The Blazer game:

I'd only been to a Blazer game once, and my seat was in the 300 section in the waaay back. Well Patty had some tickets she wasn't using and she let us take them. We went to a McMenamins first for dinner. Anyway we got to the Blazer game and I realized our tickets were actually on the floor, they were amazing! I've never had that type of experience. It was so fun to go with you and bug you with all of my questions. The players were less than a foot in front of me some of the times, it was definitely an experience I'll always remember.

Phantom of the Opera & 42nd Street:

Again, Patty gave us tickets to both shows. They are the only two shows I've ever been to, and I loved them both. I loved Phantom because my Mom loved it and I remember listening to the music with her and having it played in our home. So it was special to me for that. We got dressed up and went to Henry's first so I could finally eat the famous fries. The whole night was fun and it was nice to get dressed up and go out for the night.
42nd street was so good. I loved it for the tapping, the music, the story line. I also loved it because we had the whole evening to ourselves. We were talking about where we should go for dinner and I asked you if you would make me dinner at your house instead. You were happy to do so, of course. So we had a delicious dinner at your house (you're an amazing cook) then went to the show, and afterwards you practically made me go to Portland City Grill because I had never been there and you were dying to show me the view. I kept saying no because I knew it was expensive but you dragged me up there and I'm glad you did. It's gorgeous up there. We didn't stay too long but long enough to have some fries, pumpkin donuts, semi-yummy drinks and to look at the beautiful view. You said almost a year and a half later and you finally found me my view. So sweet. After Portland City Grill we headed to your house for a drink but needed to stop at QFC to get Megan cookie dough. That's so us, doing family/kid things in the middle of a date, which neither of us mind doing. We got back to your house and you made me a drink. After the first you offered me a second and you were so surprised I accepted. You said "It's past midnight and you have to drive home still." Well, I didn't. I had been planning a surprise for you all week. I asked Karissa (Kara's friend) to come stay the night at my house with my kids so I could stay at yours, that was the first time I had ever done something like that and I was so excited. I say it was a surprise for you, but it was really a surprise for both of us. You loved it, I loved it. It was so nice to not have to make the evening end without each other.

Fatheads, flirting with 50 year old dirty whores:

This will forever be funny to me! We went to Fatheads with your friends Joe, Susan, Mark and David. You made me sit by David, who is just as nice as can be, but has halitosis bad. Thanks a lot! Anyway, you were on my left and Joe was across from you at a community type table. Two women walked in wearing dirty ho shirts (??) and they were celebrating one of their 50th birthdays. I can't remember why their shirts said dirty ho/whore, but just that they did. They sat across from eachother, both next to you and Joe. Joe started chatting them up and you just felt you had to do the same so you did't look rude. Rigghhhtt!! You sat and flirted with her for a good 20 minutes! I was thinking, wait, he knows his girlfriend is right next to him right?! It was actually funny. Joe bought their drinks...his wife was sitting right next to him. It was all a little strange! I can't believe you flirted with a dirty ho at Fatheads!  Right in front of me! Flirt! I had to drive home since you had a few drinks, and it was with Megan's car. Her pedals are so different than mine plus I was wearing hills and you made me drive on Germantown, bad combo! It was a jerky ride home but we made it.

Rock Bottom & Garth Brooks

You surprised me with last minute tickets to go see Garth Brooks.  We had dinner at Rock Bottom first and shared a salad and some chicken fried chicken (my favorite, yum). I love that when we go to restaurants we sometimes order two things to share.We got on the max with at least 1500 other Portland residents! All our age, going to see Garth:) It was a great concert. We had a big pole in our way, but we were so close to the stage. On our way home we max hopped and were so squished we didn't even have to hold on. Thank you for taking me to see Garth! He's one of my favorites and it was a good concert.

Rock on!

We will never look at the way to say I love you in sign language the same. About a year ago I started using it whenever you were walking or driving away and you couldn't hear me. I'm guessing about two months went by before I used it when you were close to me, and you said "Ya, rock on." Whaaaat? Turns out, all that time you thought I was giving you the rock on symbol. Hahahaha! I was dying. Why would I be telling you to rock on every time we left each other? You had no idea that the sign meant I love you. So, every time we are leaving each other now we use the sign and say "rock on!"

How much can one person help another?

You are a helper. A fixer. Well, you're with the perfect person, because I need a lot of helping and a lot of fixing! No matter the situation, you've stepped up and have been ready, willing and able to help without question.
My shelves: I've wanted those shelves for what seems like forever! I looked at them on pinterest, I took screenshots of them, I even went and picked up some pallets with good intentions. But you're a doer, and within days of finding out I wanted them, you were at my house with a chainsaw and motivation to get them done. I love them! Just like I knew I would. Thank you for cutting those for me. Thank you for doing it even if you thought they would look dumb, or even if you still do! Thank you for doing it simply because you knew I wanted it done.
My shower: Either scalding hot, or beyond freezing. That's what I got from water in my shower. Ava started flat refusing to shower! You youtubed and googled and got to work. Ok, ya, something went wrong and there was a giant water leak within my walls, hahahaha! You can't be perfect all the time! You went home and hung your head and came back early the next morning with a plumber. Thank you.
My tables: I wanted tables. You knew I did and you knew you could build them. You said you were ready and willing when I was. More googling and pinteresting and picking out wood. You built them in a weekend, with me as your "helper." More like me standing around handing you wood, sometimes telling you the right measurements and sometimes not. You happily built them with no expectations for anything in return.

My microwave: Who even needs a microwave with 5 people living in one house? Turns out I did. When mine broke it was such an inconvenience. But the only idea I could come up with as a solution was to buy one I could put on the counter, using up what very little counter space I have. You had a better idea.You immediately started looking on craigslist and found one that could replace what I had above my stove from someone who was getting rid of theirs due to a remodel. It was in bull mountain, you offered to go get it because I was driving carpool. You picked it up right in the middle of traffic time. You got right to installing it. There was a tiny piece of sticky foam you were missing, so you set everything aside and ran to home depot. I can't believe you wouldn't just install it without that one tiny piece! But you wanted to do it right. You're one of the most UNlazy people I know! It didn't take long, and I had a great microwave. You even took the old one away and got rid of it for me. It was such a stress reliever to have a microwave again, and to not have had to pay a fortune for a replacement.

My mantle: One night I was complaining about not having a place to put my DVR and DVD player. You asked me what I wanted to do about it, so I started talking about temporary solutions. You asked what I reallly wanted to do about it so I started showing you some pinterest projects/shelves I had been coveting. You jumped right up to go to home depot to get the supplies, but they were already closed. First thing the next morning you and I were at Home Depot picking out wood. We went right to your house to make cuts and get started. You built me the most beautiful mantle! It's so perfect for that space and it changed my entire living room. It is so well made and I absolutely love it. I am proud of you for having the skills you do, and the motivation and determination you show. I'm so proud of how beautiful that mantle is, thank you Vaughn!
My closet doors: You fixed them, and you'll fix them again! Why do Tanuvasa's break closet doors? Who knows, but you're willing to fix them for me. Thank you!
My bed: I bought a bed from Marnie. I couldn't have gotten it in my car, definitely wouldn't have gotten it to my house in the 5 minutes it took you to get it. I went along for the ride, but lets face it, you're the one who really got it. You came right back to my house and put it together. I'm so used to doing that stuff alone. I'm used to messing up a million times and spending hours on what should take minutes. You got it done so fast and had such a good attitude about it, as usual. It was so fun to have an actual headboard, I had not had one since I was a child! Thank you for getting that over to my house for me!
Ella's mirror: Yet one more thing that would have taken me forever. You got your drill and came over ready to get it done. My kids aren't used to seeing things get done, get done well, and get done fast. Thank you for doing that, and being a great example in that way.
Letting my kids in my house: I'm not sure how many times you've done it, but at least twice you've gone by my house to let Ashley in with your key. You're always happy to do so, too. You don't act like it's a bother or inconvenience.
My front door: You've weather stripped it and you've also put the door handle back on...twice. One time I didn't even realize you had, I was busy cooking dinner when you fixed it and then a few days later it dawned on me that it was fixed and I wasn't sure how or when that happened! Thank you for fixing that for me. It's one less thing I have to worry about.
My crate bookshelf: One more project I showed you on Pinterest. I had wanted it forever. You took one look at it and said "Oh that will be easy!" I bought and painted each individual crate, you screwed them all together, screwed on some support pieces and added wheels. I love it! It's one of my favorite things in my house. thank you for doing that for me. I love the crates/shelf because it's so cute but mostly because it was something you helped me with. I imagine us making all sorts of things in the future.
My vacuum: Wow, what a mess.I had two vacuums break. Then, I bought a new one that didn't work at all. You knew that I didn't want to spend more money buying a new one. You knew I would never let you buy me a new one. So you stalked craigslist for over a month looking for a good one. You picked it up clear out in Vancouver, and then you sat down and while watching a movie you cleaned every last crevice. It looks brand new and you got it for a killer deal. I'm so proud of you for doing that, and so thankful for the thought that went into it, and for you cleaning it for me. I appreciate it more than you know! My house is definitely much cleaner now! Thank you, thank you.
Patching the holes in my walls: I had 6-8 holes in my walls. I lived in fear that my landlord would stop by and see them, and it was just plain embarrassing when friends came over. I even heard Ava lying about how they got there to her friends. You spent the entire day over at my house patching all of them. You did a great job. I bought you a cool tool for doing that for me, one that you could use to build me things with:) After you patched all of the holes I started painting and you showed up to help me finish up. In fact, that's the day I acquired your sweats, the sweats I wear literally every single day. You wore them over to paint and I thought they were way too nice to be painting in. So I stole them and now they have paint and holes and stains all over them! But they're comfy and they were yours..thank you for letting me steal them!

You, making my life easier

I'll never forget the night I needed to drop my car off at the shop, I needed to help set up for varsity football team dinner, I had carpool duties, and I had to buy ingredients and make enough macaroni and cheese to feed 35 growing boys. You selflessly gave me your entire evening. You took me to set up, and came back to get me when I called. You drove my carpool with me sitting shot gun. You followed me over to the shop to drop my car off, you took me to the grocery store, and then carried my groceries in. You gave me your night without a single complaint, only continually thinking of ways to make things easier for me. It meant so much to me Vaughn. You are constantly lightening my load, happily. I've never met someone like you.
I remember being so exhausted and overwhelmed that night. As I was getting ready for bed, I was thinking about how much more exhausted and how much more overwhelmed I could have been if not for your help. What would I do without you? I ask myself that question more than once a day. I'm lucky to have you in my life. For many other reasons, but especially for your willingness and desire to help make my life easier.

Games, races, training, errands, working....and another break up

During the fall of 2014, we managed to find ways to spend time together. We continued to train and ran a handful of races together. We rand errands together. You helped me with work projects. I came along for the ride on some of the places you needed to go for work. My kids were in school full time and we both had flexible schedules. We made sure each had time to get our jobs done, but the pull was there and we continued to spend a large amount of time together. We went to Westview football games. We talked, We went to happy hour. I met your parents. You told Patty and Carl about us, and I met them, too.
We Christmas shopped together. That was so fun, I'm smiling just writing about it. You are always up for driving all over the place to get whatever we need. You have a way about getting things done, but also making time for just hanging out and being together. Christmas was hard on us in some ways though. You knew you needed to be with your family, and felt torn on who you should be spending it with (your family, Patty and Carl, me?) and I have a tough time with the holidays since I'm always alone. There were some sad moment, but we made it through and even had an evening to ourselves for wrapping presents, watching movies and drinking something yummy.
That fall and winter were hard on me with my son acting up. You were such a source of comfort and stability for me. I appreciated that more than you probably knew. I could always talk to you and you were constantly reassuring me that I was doing my best, always ready to listen.
As we went further into the winter though, you started struggling again. Your sweet sister passed away. Your brother and his wife were doing what they could to make your family miserable. Your divorce was STILL dragging on. The day yet another one of your offers was turned down, I saw that same look in your eyes that I had seen the previous August. You were overwhelmed. You felt like you weren't in control of your life. With all the different variables, I was the only situation you felt any control over. You were once again feeling like the timing was wrong with us, and you broke up with me the day before your sisters funeral.
I was sad again, but I was also angry. We were in a much different place than we were in August. I felt like you knew how much you would be hurting me and you were going ahead with it anyway. I understood where you were coming from, but I couldn't get you to see why having me by your side would be good for you and not a detriment. You called it a breakdown, I called it self sabotage. I wanted you back so bad, but then I didn't. I wasn't sure I could get past how much you knowingly hurt me. You said things to me to deliberately hurt me (I might have said some very bad words), thinking it would make it easier on us to stay apart. It didn't work. Again we stayed in contact. Some days more than others. Ironically I was asked out two times that weekend, it made me physically sick. I had too much to drink and sent you a text telling you how much I love you, and how great of a person you were. You sent me a text telling me that you were keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings, trying to make sense of what was happening and what you were feeling and why.
During that time I went hiking by myself. Every time I turned a corner I thought of a time we had been on that trail, things we had talked about. I cried as I hiked. Once again, it was so hard for me because I knew who you were. I knew what kind of man you were and I wasn't going to go down without a fight! You were worth fighting for. You were unlike anyone I had every met, and what I felt for you was unlike anything I've ever felt.
Just like before, we went back and forth a little. That was painful. But, I didn't care what was happening as long as I had any ounce of hope. I'll never forget the day I felt real hope again. It's so random, it was in the middle of the day about a week and a half after the day we broke up.I was sitting on my floor blow drying my hair and I randomly text you to see how you were. You said you had been going over your journal entries. I asked what you gained out of reading your written thoughts. What you said shocked me. "Vauson is real."
Vauson is such a corny name! Oh so bad! But it was made up as a joke and stuck around. As dorky as it was and is, it was ours. We called ourselves Vauson and anytime we have said something at the same time, which has been often, we said it's a Vauson moment.We want and feel the same things at the same time. It's also called a Vauson mind meld.
When you said Vauson is real, my heart dropped. I asked you what you meant, I didn't want to get too far ahead of myself. You said you knew your feelings for me were real, what we had was real, and you weren't even sure of what you were doing, had done, or why. We talked about how much you had going on, how carrying such a load made you feel like you needed to drop something in order to stay afloat. But, you were feeling better and felt like you had once again had a breakdown but had come out of it. I remember taking things a slower than we had before. I was so happy to think about having you in my life, but was very apprehensive because I didn't know how long it would last. You told me you knew you loved me, and felt like you could handle what was going on in your life along with a relationship with me. Good! Because I was not going to lose you. I knew already that I wanted you in my life forever.

That summer

Summer of 2014..if I had to label it in one word I would call it intense. Everything about it was intense, our conversations, our emotions and feelings, the amount of time we spent together. I fell for you so fast, but you were much more guarded. You were still living with your ex wife and that really made things hard on you, and on us. Your divorce was dragging out, your sister was close to passing away, your brother wasn't talking to you. I was your escape. You were over at my house so much, it was easy because you needed to get away from your house and I needed to be home for my kids. We still had lots of time to go out, we hit a lot of happy hours. We also spent much of that summer walking and running. We called it training, but we would walk for miles just talking and talking. Maybe 5 miles each time, 4-5 times a week? It was a good distraction, and we were equally happy the other person wanting to be active and was willing to get outside and move, another thing we had missed in our marriages. We talked about anything and everything. Those walks really built the foundation of our friendship. I loved that we could be friends on top of the romantic relationship we had.
We did more than our fair share of mixing drinks that summer! We were stuck at home and trying to make the best of it! We did a lot of going with the flow, and even joining each other on domestic errands. We explored forest park, I was so happy to be hiking, I always wanted to hike, I needed a partner. Again, the hiking was great, the conversation was better.
At that point I had been divorced for 3 years. I was as healed from my divorce as I was ever going to be. But you were in a very different place. You were still dealing with the feeling of loss and failure. You were so frustrated that your divorce was moving so slowly, if moving at all. You were so frustrated with your living situation and the situation with both your brother and your sister was weighing on you.
On the 25th of August, 3 months to the day after our first real text exchange, you came over to my house and in the course of 3 minutes, told me you weren't ready to date and what we had going on was too intense. One minute you were there and the next you were gone. I wasn't shocked, we had talked a little bit about how intense what we had was, and whether you were ready for it. I suspected you weren't, and I'm sure you knew you weren't, but we continued to see each other because we had such a strong connection, such an intense chemistry that was hard to ignore. But with everything all adding up, it ended up being too much for you.
I was devastated. Probably the most let down I'd ever felt. I knew what kind of man you were/are, and I knew our connection and chemistry was very real. I didn't have an answer for all the stress you had, only that I could be your shoulder to lean on. I didn't want to lose you, but it wasn't my choice. I didn't sleep or eat for 3 days. I laid on my couch and cried, even though it annoyed my kids beyond measure! I asked you to come over and talk with me for awhile to provide some closure, the 3 minutes you were at my house when you broke up with me were surreal and I didn't feel like things were settled. You came over and even though you agreed we had an undeniable connection, you stood strong in your belief that it just wasn't good timing. We stayed in contact, here and there. Mostly me texting you, telling you how hard it was and how sad I was. You said you were too, but you just felt like it wasn't the right time. I remember you going back and forth a little towards the end of the week, but when I told you that you had to make up your mind to put me out of my misery, you met me in the church parking lot to say it was final, we weren't going to be together. I decided it was time to accept it and try and move on. Later on that evening, I text you and asked if I could be your friend. You said you would love that. We text a little about life, about Louie CK. I tried to keep it really light and supportive.
The next day I went to pick up our packets for the Color Run. I assumed you wouldn't be running it together anymore, but my friends had already given us free entry, and I didn't want that to go to waste. I text you and said "So, do FRIENDS run races together?" You said you wanted to. I was surprised but happy. I thought for sure we were going to stay just friends, but was happy to at least have that.
That night we were both at a football game. The intensity was crazy! I was sitting with my friends just a few feet away from where you were sitting with Patty and Carl. Some of those around us knew what was going on. Megan's coach was in the middle of us and Megan had told her we broke up. It was our own mini soap opera up in the Westview stadium bleachers. We started texting a lot, in fact Carl asked you if you had a secret girlfriend. That was funny because we had really kept our relationship quiet, because you were still living with your soon to be exwife, and we live in a very small community, we didn't want to deal with the gossip. So in a way, Carl was right, I was your secret girlfriend! Texting you through the game was therapeutic. Some of that crazy intensity was gone, we were both keeping things light hearted and fun. It was so nice to get back to that point after all we had gone through. You asked to see me after the game. I didn't think it was a good idea (I didn't want to keep getting my hopes up, and then get let down again) but I just couldn't turn you down. When we met up after the game you told me that you thought you had just experienced a little break down due to the immense amount of stress you were under, but you were feeling better and more in control. You didn't want to lose me. Whew! I felt so happy. I think that's the first night I slept in a week.
The next morning we ran the Color Run with Ava and Ella. And by run, I mean walk. Slowly. It was brutal! The girls didn't want to run, and they needed to go to the bathroom. It was a bust! But...like everything else, we managed to have fun together despite an awkward or an otherwise un-fun situation.
Everything was back on track. We were back together, we agreed to take things slower and get rid of the intensity, and we were so excited for fall and football games.

How we met...20 years ago

I was still living with my Mom, you were her daycare client. Austin was just a baby, and he was favorited by my mom, my sisters, and myself. For some reason my Mom just felt very close to him. My Mom had such a good judge of character and absolutely adored you. I don't remember much about what she said about you, just that she loved you. She had a soft spot for men who were good fathers. You came to my wedding reception, my family went to Austin's first birthday party. Things with my Mom didn't end well with your family, every once in awhile I like to make fun of you for suing my Mom. It was over the contract your family had with her, and it ended up with everything split down the middle.

Fast forward about 13 years. Megan and Jace went to the same middle school and were pretty good friends in 6th grade. They went through middle school together, and then to High School. I heard her name and knew your family was in the area, but never ran in to you. 

When Megan was a sophomore she was helping at cheer camp and I was there as Ava's assistant coach. I remember sitting on the mat with her, telling her I used to babysit Austin. She already knew that and was laughing with me about it. I'm grateful for the chance I had to get to know Megan a little as a friend, or as a friends Mom, before I became your girlfriend.

About a year later, Jace told me he was going to a party, and when I asked how he was getting there he said Megan's Dad was giving him a ride. I remember thinking how funny life is, I helped take care of your boy 18 years earlier, and now you're giving mine a ride. I was outside getting ready to go on a run, getting Ava's bike out of the garage when you pulled up. You got out of your truck and came over to me and I gave you a big hug. I don't think you expected that. I asked how you are and your response was "I'm getting a divorce." Said with such a deadpanned look. I remember thinking "Wow. What do I say to that?" I said I was sorry and then you looked me up and down and said "you turned out good." Hilarious. What a weird reintroduction!! As funny as it was, I don't remember giving it much thought. 

A few months later Megan's friend was asking Jace to Morp with balloons. You helped Megan and her friend by bringing them over to my house in your truck. We all went back and forth, taking balloons from your truck and bringing them into Jace's room. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't memorable. Again, I really didn't think anything about it.

Again, a few months later, Jace and I were at a health careers meeting at Westview. We were sitting on the left side of the auditorium with a woman I knew. Jace spotted youguys and asked if we could go sit next to you. I felt bad getting up and moving but you seemed like you would be more fun to sit next to. Somehow we ended up sitting next to each other, with Megan on my left and Jace next to her. We talked quite a bit, but the only part of the conversation I remember is when you were asking me what dating is like after divorce. I'm sure I told you it was interesting, and involved dealing with a lot of baggage. You said I was flirting and was touching your leg. I was not!! You were flirting with me! You said we should go out after you were divorced for shits and giggles, and to tick our former spouses off. I was dating someone at the time but knew you were talking about getting a drink as friends, so I said that would be fun.

A few weeks later I got a text from you asking for a phone number of a doctor we had talked about. Teisha was visiting me and I told her I got a text from you, and that I'm going to flirt with you for fun. I responded "Hi! I was just thinking about you! Don't you owe me a drink?" I didn't expect your response..."I think I said after my divorce was final." OUCH! I text you back with the number you asked for and said "here you go!" You text back and told me not to pout, ew! I told you  not to flatter yourself. Great first text exchange, right?!
I think it was only about a month after that when I heard from you again. It was around one o'clock in the morning on the 25th of May. Megan was at my house along with a bunch of other Westview kids. You text me and told me I should kick her out. I text back and asked you why you were still up. You said "because my daughter is at your house. Why are you up?" I said "because your daughter is at my house!!" It was funny. I didn't expect to hear much more from you..but...our conversation continued until 5:30am. I really didn't know what to expect from you because even when I knew you years before, I didn't know you well, only that you were a nice guy. We got along well the few times we bumped into each other, and I knew you were funny based off our conversation at the meeting at Westview. But I really didn't know anything about you. Well that text exchange changed that. Our conversation really flowed. We talked about divorce, how it effects us and our kids, dating after divorce, what we were looking for in a companion, etc. For the record, you wanted this: a brunette, non-smoker, occasional drinker, a team player, and someone who is active. You originally said athletic, but I wanted you to clarify if you meant athletic or active. I knew I was active enough, but I would have never called myself athletic. After you gave me this list I asked if you were kidding or not. I happened to be all of the things you listed. And, I wanted most of those as well. Didn't care about the brunette desire, but wanted someone active, non smoker, occasional drinker, a great dad, and most importantly, a team player. That want/need has been a huge part of why our relationship has worked. We both wanted and needed to feel part of a team, something we had really missed out on during our marriages.
But back to our all night/morning text conversation. I told you I like to drink lemon drops and you said we should go out for some. You asked me several times how much notice I would need if you wanted to go out. We are both pretty spontaneous people, I just said to text/call me whenever you want or have time to go out.
I had not done much dating after my divorce, but I was pretty sure you weren't going to text me the next day. That's the game, right? Well I found out quickly that you're not a game player! You text me the next afternoon. I think you must have told me how tired you were. We text here and there for the rest of the day, and the day after, and the day after. As we were texting, we kept talking about getting together for lemon drops. We finally agreed we were going to go out to Juan's at the end of that week. Well the day came and you weren't up to meeting anymore. Something had happened in your family that shook you up and the offer you had put on the table wasn't accepted like you were sure it would be. You text around 3 and said if I wanted to meet up then, great. But if not, we weren't going to be meeting that evening around 6. You needed to get out right then and not later. Our conversation was a little all over the place, but you did mention you weren't ready to date and questioned what you were doing talking to me. I would have loved to have dropped what I was doing (working on vinyl) to meet you at Juan's, but I had just gotten home from a run and knew I couldn't shower and get ready fast enough to meet you there. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I had really been looking forward to meeting up with you. I got all ready anyway because our conversation was so confusing and I wasn't 100% sure we weren't going to get together, and when I was, I was already dressed and ready to go out. I didn't want to tell my kids that you canceled because I knew they would feel bad for me. I had only told them I was going out with a friend, but because I never went out they were excited I was going to go do something. So I decided to run some errands. I didn't want to stay home and let my kids see me upset. I went to Target, and after I shopped there I sat in the parking lot and cried a little. I was surprised by my reaction, surprised that I was so upset over a canceled date with a guy I had only been talking to for a week. But, I knew you were a good guy, I knew we got along great and had a lot in common, and I knew I liked you right away. There was something about you.
After leaving Target and getting gas, I decided I was just going to go to Juan's on my own to get my lemon drop anyway, with or without you. I figured it is close enough to my house, if I have one too many I could walk home. I parked on the opposite side as you did, but later you asked me if I had seen your truck there. I am so unobservant about those types of things! I didn't even remember what your truck looked like at that point.
I got into Juan's and sat at the bar. I ordered a taco salad and a margarita (settled on that instead of a lemon drop) and started watching the game they had on. I noticed that a man who was in my line of vision kept looking at me, and I realized he must have thought I was staring at him since the TV was right above his head. Oops! I focused on my plate and out of the corner of my eye saw you getting out of the booth you were sharing with your friend Chuck, the same guy who thought I was staring at him! We were both surprised to see each other, I thought you were going to Juan's around 3, and it was around 6:30-7 at this time. You didn't think I was going at all. You stopped by the bar and asked if I'd be willing to stick around for awhile, you were going to say goodbye to Chuck and you wanted to talk to me. I was so tempted to say nope! Because our text interaction was so confusing and really let me down. But you asked me to hear what you had to say. So I stayed, and joined you at your booth after Chuck left. You explained what had gone on that day that upset you so much. It was a situation I understood. I understood why you were so shook up and why you started rethinking everything.
After we got past why you canceled on me earlier in the day, we just started talking. You said your birthday was coming up and I asked when it was. June 12th? Are you kidding me? I asked if you saw my license when I went to the bathroom, and when you said no I asked to see yours. Sure enough, we share a birthday. We got a good kick out of that. We talked some more and you finally ordered me my dang lemon drop! When you got up to go to the bathroom I must have made a joke about going through your phone because you handed it to me and said go ahead! There's nothing interesting in there, I'm not hiding anything! Well...I barely glanced and saw that you and Sean were talking about me. You told him that you canceled on me, and he said that's good because I might be just looking for a sugar daddy and a helper for my kids. I almost died! I got out my wallet and asked for the check, I wanted to get out of there! But you came back, saw my face and knew something went wrong. When I explained you just kept reiterating that it was "locker room talk" and neither you and Sean meant anything by it. I asked you if I could respond to Sean and was so surprised you said yes! So I told Sean that I can take care of my own kids thank you very much, and that if I was looking for a sugar daddy I would be looking for one in a different financial league you were in-ha! I can't remember if he responded, if he did he didn't say much.
Juans was closing and we weren't done talking. I told you I'd love to see a view of Portland at night and you were bound and determined to find me one. We drove all over to the city, every time we thought we found a place that would work, it would be closed, or we couldn't see anything, or we weren't at the right place. But that was fine with me, we were listening to music (I was so excited to find out you like country music) and talking. I was also holding your hand and rubbing your arm, hearing for the first time how much you looooove to have your arms rubbed! You finally came up with the idea to go out to the airport to watch planes come in. That idea sounded a lot better than it actually was! You kept asking me if it was alright that I was out so late, and once I told you ten times it was, we headed out there. We sat in the cell phone parking area and saw approximately two planes come in over the course of an hour and a half or so! Major fail. But again, it was more about the conversation we were having.
You were so, so nervous, I could actually feel your nervous energy. I knew you wanted to kiss me but you were scared, you had been in one relationship for over 25 years, I was the first woman you had talked to after your marriage ended. So I tried to make you comfortable by just rambling about a million things and trying to keep things light. At one point I actually asked you what I could do to help ease your nervousness! You said I should "keep being chill." All night I was putting on my chapstick. One side of the stick was apple, and one side was caramel. I kept joking about my caramel apple. Finally, finally, you told me you wanted to taste my caramel apple. Ha! What a line! We kissed and wow. It was awful. Just terrible. Everything about it was wrong and I was dying. Right after that, you said we should try that again. Phew! Next time was much, much better, especially since some of the nervousness was out of the way, I'll always remember that first kiss in your truck at the airport!